The time I learned how American I really am...and other cultural conundrums

 In an age where, in the US, parents are wanting their kids to be kids and go out and play, the children here are hard at work day in and day out scrubbing away at the dirt that accumulates in the cement block houses, cooking pounds of rice per day, washing dishes without running water – bending over buckets straining their back and walking kilometers for a couple of eggs and 1 ounce or two of salt.

I am writing this as I sit in my “dining room” table listening to my host mother mandar-ing  her daughter to do everything possible in the house, even though she is sick with a cold and fever. Sending her to go get two eggs here, then when she comes back having her go back to get her sugar, and then more sugar, then having her scrub the fridge – even though she did it yesterday, having her re-broom the kitchen – again she did this yesterday – I swept yesterday too. This is a typical daily experience here in Consuelo. My 14 year old host sister has this house standing  and not one days has gone by where is  not willing to do it. Many times I have heard her say “ well why do I have to do everything” “I work 24/7 I need to rest” and the usual response doesn’t sway far from something like “o, well your young”. This is discipline if I ever saw it.

On to other cultural conundrums – I have discovered that my American cultural habits are way stronger and more firm than I ever thought. Last night, Sunday, as I was finishing up teaching my host sister yoga, my host mom and some of her friends came by to get ready for going out for my mom’s birthday. I was taking my time cooling down and, per usual, they just starred. Noone was really asying anything but I knew they were waiting for me to hop in the shower and get ready  - indirect communication is way to common and it bugs the hell out of me. Anyways I got around to getting ready and they were blaring music, which by the way started while I was doing yoga, and getting their dance grooves on. Keep in mind I was ready to shower, get some PJ’s on, turn on my new fan in the room, lay in bed and read!

 So I sat in the living room while they were all just making a ton of noise. My eyes were feeling heavy by around 8pm and everyone immediately turned to me and asked me what was wrong, why I was sad, if I was depressed, if I was just tired, if they did something…that in itself was exhausting.  My host mom was going to go to a voodoo party for her birthday because one of the spirits called her, she says. Ended up staying here and  having a drink - In the end, she really wanted me to go with her to take one of her friends home because if I walk I wouldn’t be depressed anymore – about a 2 mile walk in the dark in a city – I was mad that she would let me go out that late. Didn’t get home until twelve and all I wanted was to lock myself in my room, turn the fan on, listen to music and sleep. on the way home I expressed all of this to her - i am using direct communication from the get-go....hoping i don't break a cultural rule or two.

In case that was too wordy and confusing for you to understand what habits I am referring to:

-          I like my alone time – PLEASE do not disturb

-          I appreciate privacy

-          Silencio por favor! – every once in a while please!

In the DR culture this makes me a reclusive, cold gringa – but seriously, I am still adjusting to the culture

What matters is what’s on the outside – this is a hard one for me to swallow. My host sister has been asking me how she can be a little healthier – not to lose weight, but because she is scared that she will get sick from something. I have been talking with her about making small changes, just adding a green leaf a day to her meals, the benefits of eating every meal, possible adding fruits, etc. Today, during lunch, she added one green leaf to her usual mound of rice! I congratulated her and my host mom and project partner where making fun of the whole green leaf  thing – why would you eat that? Does it help lose weight? You don’t need that, etc.

                  

           Next day: today: election day: the day I decided to continue with this post:

I have been sick all day with an awful stomach bug. My host mother came home for lunch and was seriously worried – I told her I was fine and that I just needed to rest, she gave me this mix of fresh squeezed OJ straight off her tree and salt which has helped me before and then went off to work. Next thing I knew her cousin, boyfriend, young Haitian boy who she’s friends with all came by because they heard I was sick…please I just want to curl up in bed and watch every episode of new girl and modern family! But no I felt pressured to chat and host them…

                                  ..... just another norm i must get used to....

Just a few cultural things I have been observing and learning – I can already tell that this 2 year journey is going to be a humbling experience – I find myself wanting to change their hygiene practices (partially for my safety), make suggestions about their eating habits and help teach them more efficient ways of doing things but I have restrained myself. I am not here to change the way they do things. I am here to share in how they do things. There is no right way to do something. The changes that need to be made, will be made by example and with time. Something I need to be mindful of.

Happy Reading and may the best presidential candidate win *cough*Cough* OBAMA!