"Should I stay or Should I go?" - The first 365 days in country; a mental game.

DISCLAIMER: This post may cause what I like to call TADD (temporary ADD) - the choppiness of it is meant to let you experience un chin of life as a peace corps volunteer...erratic, chaotic, random

We usually do an annual reflection close to the beginning of the New Year. Today, I start a new year with my service. Exactly one year ago today I hopped on a plane filled with nerves and excitement, thoughts about whether I should actually do this or not and landed in the DR in a state that I can now only describe and ignorant bliss. Having no idea what the next 27 months would bring I decided to just go with it. All 42 of us in the new training group were squished onto our first guagua ride where we were taken for first vaccinations and orientation stuff. The temperature was awful…am I going to be able to handle this year round? I thought to myself.

a year ago (yesterday) ready to take on the world!

Training came and went – learned everything from proper techniques of bucket flushing to what all the hand-signals in Dominican lingo mean. I learned to love onions soaked in vinegar and the freedom of showering (bucket bathing) outside. I learned how to sit. I learned how to tolerate the culture differences in the beginning. How to tolerate the machismo. I met incredible people and learned a lot about life outside of Peace Corps.

Site assignment day finally came – it was early October and we were all sitting under a gazebo like structure waiting for our boss to give us the okay to head in for a 5 minute sit down where he would tell us where we would be spending the next 2 years. Where our lives would change. Where some of us would make decisions to stay or go. Where our dreams of being peace and development workers would come true. 

Hi Laura, I have the perfect placement for you. It is a town, more like a municipality, where you will be working in 5 neighborhood. You will be living with a wonderful mother and daughter and working with a foundation that already has a women’s group established. You are going to love it here, it tranquilo, you shouldn’t have any problems, especially because of your Spanish level.

                5 neighborhoods….. that’s what stuck in my mind. I can’t do that. I need to be in a campo, somewhere where I can be calm and work effectively. This can’t be right. Did he not listen to my needs and wants at our first interview?

ok ok... I know - Peace Corps is about going with where you are placed...just had a momentary lapse of altruism there for a second...

I walked away confused. Can I do this? A pueblo?

Project Partner day – for me, the worst day so far. Very uncomfortable and the day where reality hit. I met my host mom and project partner and was quickly on my way to Consuelo. My home for the next two  years.

November and December were incredibly difficult months. I very often called home to remind myself about why I was here. I didn’t think I could hack the caliente, tiguere streets of Consuelo. Confianza built with my host mom and I began to make it a couple days between my “doubting” periods. It was a constant 

DO I STAY OR DO I GO battle in my mind

 Soon enough I would be living on my own, have my own space and be able to breathe a little better. Not having to answer to anyone when I come home after walking what seemed like a hundred miles through a thick wall of piropos which unfortunately I understood, no matter how nasty they got. In February I moved out on my own to a new neighborhood and was welcomed by the head matriarch of the barrio. I felt safe and at ease. As my first month or two went by I had a security incident which led me to make another decision…

do I stay or do I go?

Do I stay in Consuelo and try to handle this on my own? Do I go to another site? Do I go home?

Not knowing what to do I avoided having to make any decision and just tried to deal with it. Thank you to a number of really great people from all my walks in life, I took their advice and called Peace Corps. I was out of there in two hours with nothing but a few undies, two pants a couple tops, a travel size shampoo, laptop and books. Upon my meeting with security I learned I would be living in the capital for an indefinite period of time. I would be getting a site change if I so chose it.

                                                            Do I stay or do I go?

            A new site means starting over with a diagnostic, formation of groups, integrating into the community. I have to be the one who stands out the most AGAIN….

I visited a couple of volunteers, trying to imagine starting over after being somewhere for 5 months. What it would be like to make new friendships, to live with a host-family AGAIN ( this would mean losing most privacy privileges which is epically important as a PCV)

I felt confused…I had to make a decision and I knew it was up to me. I had already faced a lot of challenges with host family dramas, project partner foundation problems and a lot of cultural stuff that just got me plain heated.

I went home for a week during Semana Santa to mentally check out. I went home and it was great that I did. It confirmed my wanting to continue with service. I didn’t feel I had a place at home – I mean I had family, friends, etc. but after living and being part of another culture, learning about different ways and different people, tasting different foods, challenging myself in ways unimaginable prior to this experience…how could I leave that behind? How could I cut it short?

Back to the DR I went fresh and ready to move forward. I had visited one of my friends who lives in the southern region of the country. As it so happened, very serendipitously, the community next to her was soliciting a health volunteer from the Peace Corps.  This place is beautiful. Serene. Tranquil

.

                                                         The opposite of Consuelo.

I fought hard for it. My boss wanted to send me to so many other places but I felt a pull… I don’t know exactly what it was, the feeling, the ambiente, and the people…I knew I had to be there.

I fought hard enough that I even went against the suggestion of my boss…I would never do that usually – but something was pulling me towards this place.

Finally, after a whirlwind of yes’s and no’s I found myself moving stuff into my new host mom’s house in Los Blancos. My new room had an ocean view and the people had a southern hospitality you only find drinking sweet tea in Georgia.

Starting over was hard. A project partner was selected last minute, the community wasn’t prepared for a volunteer so soon and I was still trying to process everything. Luckily, my friend who I had visited lives only 15 minutes away! 

Work started off great in April with a lot of motivated groups and grand plans for the community… the summer months came and the groups got cold…people stopped showing up or even showing interest. During my transition here I faced a lot of family stuff going on at home and hardships I had to endure on my own…just in time for another …

                                               Do I stay or do I go?

This was my decision only now – I didn’t allow help from anyone in helping me to make this decision.

Why has the universe put so many obstacles in my way? I just want to be a volunteer and do what I am here to do…jeesh!

I stuck it out – I had a lot of support from friends here, both volunteers and locals. Thanks to them I am going strong in my service and beginning some great projects in my community…

However, a couple of weeks ago, when all my projects had flopped, when I felt completely lost and had no idea of why I was here if I hadn’t really done much I though again to myself….

                                               Do I stay or do I go?

I told myself I would give myself time to see if the project could actually work. I went to town hall to talk to the mayor. Not there. I talked to people, there was no land for me to work with for a project I had in mind. I was getting frustrated….Do I stay or do I go? 

Then, all of a sudden the cards fell into place. There is land for two projects I want to do and the owner is incredibly motivated and has been very on top of everything since we started working together only 2 days ago. I have a proposal in already and a partner organization that wants to donate.

I have decided that there is a reason I am here…a reason I will only get to know once my service here is over and long past.

Lessons Learned so far:

1. Culture is not changeable. You are. Adapt, or be willing to - it will make any experience a million times easier.

2. Learn to tolerate living in a fishbowl. Always being stared at and watched. This has led to a deeper sense of humility and heightened awareness of my actions

3. Sometimes you are always in the wrong..just because. It is okay - sometimes you have to give that sense of satisfaction to the other person - they may need it that day.

4. How to be alone. You are your best companion. enjoy your you time - privacy is important!

5. Smile even when you feel like it is impossible - it will help alleviate uncomfortable Dominican conversations about how you are sad or depressed and it is their fault.

6. Just go with it. every moment is a new experience to add to your book!

7. Don't forget where you come from and where you are going. They can be two different places but learning to balance them is what will get you there safely!

I am happy to say that despite all the close calls, all the difficulties and hardships, I am going strong and happy in my site. I couldn't think of being anywhere else and wouldn't change one things about my time here so far! I thank all of those who have helped in the last 365 days of my life – you have helped me survive one incredibly rocky journey! Get ready for round number 2!

several guagua rides, about 100moto rides, plenty of rice and beans, and hundreds of other Dominican experiences later....

FAQ's about life as a PC Volunteer

Throughout this past year, as I shared my future hopes of becoming a Peace Corps Volunteer, not only did I receive look of confusion, remarks questioning my sanity and people sharing their own fears but I got a lot of questions that I have been had to repeat a ton - not that I dont like talking about it (trust me, my family could porbably educate you on everything Peace Corps at this point).

So, I will start with the most FAQ I get....

"why??"
   - For as long as I have known about volunteering abroad I have felt that this is the thing for me. I have always had a passion for helping others. I also love to travel and learn about people's expiriences and other cultures. I have always wanted to go abroad and give what I can to families in need living in third world country poverty. As I entered my career as a counselor here in the US, I realized I wanted to take this global and took the plunge to apply - this was in the midst of completing  my graduate school thesis. Upon completing my initial interview, I didn't feel it. It wasn't right. I felt I did not have enough "life expirience" (priamrily work-related) to handle this. So I withdrew my application for a later date. I proceeded to get a full time job and do the standard post-grad route. Day in and day out I knew there was something missing. I went to Colombia with my family and the day I rewturned, I decided I was ready and went ahead to apply.....So, a long-winded answer to a short question...
I followed my heart, and this is where it took me.


"Where are you going?"
    - I will be heading to the Dominican Republic. It is an nation on the island of Hispaniola - shared with Haiti. They speak spanish there and Christopher Columbus landed on it in 1492, and it became the site of the first permanent european settlement in the Americas. Pretty cool huh?


"How long do you go for?"
- I leave a couple days before August 21st to Washington D.C. for Staging. This is the first time all of the Peace Corps Volunteers in your group. We get oriented to Peace Corps Expectations, fill out last minute paperwork and get vaccinations.
 - Next, August 21st, we head to Santo Domingo - the capital of Dominican Republic. We meet our first host families and begin Pre-Service Training - this is where our group will be intensively trained on cross-cultural issues (Dominican customs, food, and etiquette), safety and security, language training (spanish and haitian creole for those who will be based in haitian heavy sites. We will also have technical trainiig in which we will learn a lot about our job sector. We are together as a while group for the first couple of week and then we move into Community-Based Training with our sector group. This is where we focus the most on technical training. Once we complete training we are sworn in as official Peace Corps Volunteers!!! at that point we find out our site placements and meet our new host families who we will live with the first three months at site while we find somewhere to live!!! we Then begin our service at site for 24 months!
              SO TOTAL = 27 MONTHS!!!


"Where do you live?"
Once I am at my site I will be expected to live at a level equal to the host-country nationals with whom they are working. This level differs between project sites and therefore the pay scale is also varied.
Traditional Dominican housing usually has thatch or corrugated steel roofs, walls of wood or cement block and cement floors.


"Will you have running water?"
The water supply is subject to the same inconsistencies as electricity. Many communities do not have water within the homes and those that do often find that there is no water for days at a time.

"Do you think you'll have electricity?"
Although most communities have electricity, some do not; in any case power outages are common throughout the country in both urban and rural areas


"Will you have a toilet? A hole in the ground? a latrine?"
Just like electricity, it depends. Most of what I have seen and heard, is that there are outhouses for the sites in the campo. This is a question that I can answer once I am there.


"What are you taking?"
Well, I have been thinking a lot about this. We are only allowed 80 pounds of luggage. I bet your thinking "how do you fit 2.5 years of your life into 80 pounds?" Well, I can't. I will be taking only the necessities. I will however, be accepting packages once I am downthere - with food and other surprises!!!


"What are your work hours like?"
In accordance with worldwide Peace Corps policies, Volunteers are literally on duty 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. As such, the "normal" division between professional and private time does not exist. Volunteers are likely to have work activities during weekends and evenings depending on when beneficiaries and project partners are free to meet. Volunteers are also expected to spend most weekends in their host communities to ensure cultural integration and language acquisition.


"Will you be able to have vacation time?"
Volunteers  earn two vacation days per full month of service (excluding training), or 24 days per year. Vacation provides Volunteers time for travel within the country or elsewhere to increase understanding of that area and have time away from the job for rest and relaxation.
Because Volunteers/Trainees are on duty seven days a week, all types of Volunteer/Trainee vacation leave are computed in terms of calendar rather than work days. For example, a PCV going on vacation for a week must use seven days of annual leave and not five days.
Volunteers/Trainees are expected to stay at their sites on weekends.
In addition to the 24 days of annual leave, all Volunteers/Trainees are entitled to take all official Dominican holidays.


"Can I come visit?!?!"
Visitors from home are encouraged to visit and welcome so long as their presence does not distract or prevent the Volunteer from accomplishing project goals and day-to-day tasks.
During training and the first three months of service, Volunteers/Trainees may not take vacation or receive visitors. Nor may they take vacation or receive visitors during the final three months of service.
   DISCLAIMER: if you are coming to visit, prepare to reserve a large bed and hot water for hot showers at a lush and luxurious all-inclusive on the eastern coast of the DR !!!


"Aren't you scared about your safety?"
Volunteers serve in a variety of communities throughout the Dominican Republic, including urban, semi-urban, rural, and remote areas. Health and safety risks are an inherent part of Volunteer service. Living and traveling in an unfamiliar environment, having a limited understanding of local language and culture, and being perceived as wealthy are some of the factors that can put Volunteers/Trainees at risk. Many Volunteers/Trainees experience varying degrees of unwanted attention and harassment. Some have experienced petty thefts, burglaries, and a variety of illnesses.
Although initially intimidating, the great majority of Volunteers come to feel very safe, welcome, and comfortable living, traveling, and working in the Dominican Republic.
To aid this transition, Peace Corps Dominican Republic has established procedures, policies, and extensive training to help Volunteers/Trainees reduce their risks and enhance their safety and security. Through broad training, all new Volunteers will know what strategies must be adopted in maintaining safe and healthy lifestyles. Throughout all phases of training and service, all Volunteers/Trainees are supported by Peace Corps Dominican Republic medical, safety and security staff that work to consistently notify and protect Volunteers/Trainees from any threats to their safety including national strikes, poor transportation routes, hurricanes, and health threats.


"How are you going to get around the country?"
Public transportation in the Dominican Republic is quite extensive although of a rougher and slower variety than that available in more developed countries. Regular and affordable service is provided by a variety of buses/minibuses/public taxis between most major cities and large towns. In more rural parts of the country, a variety of pick-up trucks and motorcycle taxis are usually available for transport to even the most isolated communities. Within the principal cities such as Santo Domingo and Santiago, a variety of public buses and public taxis make interurban transport quite easy.
We will be provided with training on public transportation shortly after arrival in country.


"What kinds of foods do they typically eat in the DR?"
The staples of the Dominican diet are beans, rice, chicken, pork, plantains, and tropical fruits. The most common dish is the bandera - a mixture of rice, red beans, and a side of chicken or pork. Tropical fruits are available in abundance and include papaya, pineapple, coconut, mango, and lemon among others. A variety of vegetables including onions, avocadoes, cucumbers, carrots, cabbage, lettuce and potatoes are also readily available.
Dominicans tend to eat a small breakfast of bread or a local form of oatmeal served with coffee, hot chocolate or tea. Lunch is the principal, largest meal and usually includes a serving of meat, starch, vegetable, and fruit. Dinner is served late in the evening by American standards and typically consists of plantains, fruit, and meat. With the abundance of tropical fruits, fresh juices and smoothies are enjoyed throughout the day.

Something I found....
An example of what my day will look like during training

• 8:00 - 9:00 am: Team-building exercise
• 9:15 - 10:15: Presentation of project plans and goals with Assistant Peace Corps Directors
• 10:30 - 12:00: Spanish language class
• Lunch: Optional round-table lunch session with current volunteer about Cultural Identity and Racism
• 1:00 - 2:30: Spanish language class
• 2:45 - 4:30: Educational session on geography, climate, and economy of the different regions of the Dominican Republic

ooooo Yeah.... my least favorite question...

"What are you and Bill going to do?"
 For those of you who know our relationship, you know it has never been conventional. He has supported me throughout this whole process and I will thank him for that forever. We have decided to grow independantly and know that when we come back together in 27 months, we will be bringing a whole new set of expiriences. As for how we are going to make it work... We have decided to create a list of books to read together and discuss weekly. this will allow us to have something in common, no matter how far we grow apart. We will also be skyping when possible, teaching each other new things and, mn y favorite...telling each other riddles once/week, trying to figure it out, and then coming back to each other to discuss!!!


Because I feel like I have been preparing for this for sooo long, I cannot remember what some specific questions are/have been. Please leave questions in the comment section if your curious about anything. I may not have an answer but I will most likely tell you follow my blog on my journey and read for the answer!!!

Happy Reading!